Finally.
Finally things have slowed down for about… thirty minutes, so I have the time to formulate a [somewhat] coherent post. I’ve been wanting to express my feelings on life for a long while now, but as per usual, life snowballed and I’ve been rolling with it. There have been many ups and downs, but I’m coming out on top. I am metaphorically dripping wet with snow, but I’m still standing nonetheless!
Firstly, I just want to say that hormones are incredible. I’ve always been hesitant to admit to their potency since I felt like I would be conceding to a facet of the sociobiology argument, you know? But after last week, I’m incapable of denying that fact anymore. I felt hella crazy! The stunning combination of a vitamin D deficiency (induced by my Florida-Montreal transition), pre-menstrual hormones, and midterm-generated cortisol made me so emotionally volatile that I was weeping (not crying, but weeping) on the daily. I really was amazed with myself. This week, as those situations have changed and I’ve [mostly] re-acclimatized to Montreal weather, I almost feel like a completely different person. Boy oh boy.
Secondly, I just want to say that my friends are incredible. To quote a wise one among them, I really have the best team possible around me. In spite of the time spent apart and the geographical separation, at any time I can call one of them up to spill each inch of my guts. “It’s a powerful thing to miss and be missed.” It really is. It can be paralleled only by the overwhelming sense of gratitude I feel for the existence of these people. I never shut up about how much I love you girls & guys, and I especially never shut up about it to you. Thank you for always being so receptive to my emotional sluttiness. You wouldn’t change anything about me, nor I you. (Yet another enlightening thought from another insightful friend.)
I always knew I was going to be graduating, but I never felt it until I got back from reading week. My reaction was something akin to “HOLY FUCK!!!!“ This is the first time in my life where I am truly alone in my decision-making process. No longer is there even a loosely defined path (think: university existence) for me to follow. Everything is up to me now; while considering that thought, I fluctuate constantly between enthusiasm and anxiety, trepidation and serenity, courage and despondency.
All I have to say is: this is going to be quite the ride, team. I’m going into this without an inkling of where/what/who I’ll end up being, but my heart knows (not feels, but knows) you’re always around. The one thing I know for certain is that I’ll never be capable of expressing the appreciation, fondness and affection that I hold for you. Right. in. here.
